Finding the balance between protecting your children and allowing some hardship to strengthen them

Life is interesting. The other day, I had a conversation with a young man that left a lasting impression. He asked me a simple but deep question: “Are you a dad?” I replied, “Yes.” He followed up with, “What’s the best thing about being a dad to you?”

Without hesitation, I answered, “Well, I’m a pretty sentimental guy. I’d have to say just watching them grow up, spending time with them, and making memories.”

He nodded thoughtfully and said, “Yeah… me too.” Then came the twist. “Now, what’s the hardest thing about being a dad?” Before I could form a response, he offered one: “Isn’t it the same answer? Watching them grow up…”

His words stopped me. I paused and sat with that thought. He was absolutely right. The very thing that brings the most joy also comes with some pain. The passing of time, the changes, the letting go.

That reflection led me deeper. One of the hardest parts of fatherhood, for me, is fighting the urge to be overprotective. I want to shield my children from pain, disappointment, and heartbreak.

But then I recalled something I heard from a woman on Christian talk radio. She spoke about trees. She explained that the rings inside a tree tell a story. Each ring marking a year of growth, each one formed by facing stress and change. The tighter the rings, the stronger the tree. A tree may look beautiful on the outside, but without those tightly formed rings, it may fall in the first strong wind.

That hit me. How often have I tried to spare my children from hardship, thinking I was doing them a favor? Of course, there’s a balance. But if I shelter them from everything, I risk weakening them for life’s inevitable storms.

So, I’m adopting a new expression: “It’s going to be a tight ring day.” Or maybe even, “It’s a tight ring season.” When things get tough, emotionally, spiritually, financially; we’ll call it what it is. Not a failure. Not a punishment. But a season of growth.